Girls…Our Hidden Treasures
By
Pat Doherty
Director of Youth and Family Services
Imagine
for a minute what it must be like to walk in the shoes of a girl
these days. The pressures are mind boggling—to be popular, to be
thin, to look like a model, to fit in, to be loved, and even to be
sexy. While some of these struggles are common during adolescence,
the stakes seem to be much higher now as evidenced by eating
disorders, substance abuse, self-injury, depression, and early
sexual activity in girls. This isn’t surprising since our girls are
inundated with messages telling them that to be valuable they need
to be all of the above and more.
It is reported that the
average child watches twenty hours
of television per week. In the top shows for teenagers, a child
sees nearly seven scenes per hour that have sexual content.
Magazine racks overflow with gorgeous, airbrushed girls and women
portraying unrealistic images of what girls are “supposed” to be.
Popular reading materials for girls focus on how to get a guy,
losing weight, and makeup tips rather than self-esteem, health, and
strategies for developing into a confident and successful young
woman. And music videos—well let’s not even go there.
According to the American
Academy of Pediatrics, 36.9 percent of 14-year-olds have had
sex—more than one out of three. Among 12th graders, 66.4
percent have had sex. It’s hard to imagine that the girls we care
about may be having sex at such a young age, but it’s critical to
consider the possibility since our denial can inadvertently hurt
them. After all, if they aren’t getting their messages from us,
then where are they getting them—from their friends, boys, MTV, the
Internet, movies, or Abercrombie & Fitch catalogs perhaps?
A 2002 Indiana University
School of Medicine study found that young girls with high
self-esteem are less likely to engage in sexual activity. This was
illustrated during a recent Oprah Winfrey episode highlighting the
issue of early sexual activity among girls. When the girls were
asked why they were having sex so early, they responded that they
wanted to feel loved. When asked if it worked, they said that it
didn’t, yet they repeated the behavior anyway. Often times engaging
in just one sexual act that leads a girl to feel bad about herself
can alter her sense of worthiness. The next time the scenario
presents itself, she’s much less likely to feel the self-worth to
say no. This is important to keep in mind when we’re telling
ourselves that the girl we care about isn’t like “those other girls”
so we don’t need to talk to her about sex. We may be right, but
what if we’re not
Our girls need us—all of
us—now more than ever. They need to be inundated with positive
messages to counteract the negative ones they’re bombarded with
everyday about who they’re “supposed” to be. They need these
messages from their coaches, teachers, faith communities, mentors,
and most of all they need them from their parents, even though they
may seem to be pushing their parents away. They need us to let them
know that it’s okay to slow down, to trust their instincts, to
respect their bodies, and to be imperfect. They need to know that
they can talk openly about sexuality with their parents so they can
have accurate information to make choices and shape their values.
They need to feel important and special, and have the opportunity to
identify and develop their talents. They need to learn how to make
good decisions and to nurture their spirits. They need so much, and
none of us can do it alone. And remember, if we aren’t there for
them, you can bet that those who don’t have their best interests in
mind will be.
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