By Deborah Zipkin
Director, The Bridge’s Family Resource Center
at Charter Oak Academy

John was a happy eight-year-old who loved to play soccer and swim and enjoyed going to day camp. Then his bus route to camp was changed, and a group of older campers got on the bus each morning.  John became fearful of leaving the house and begged his parents to drive him to camp.  After several days of weepy departures, John finally told his parents that a ten-year-old on the bus was taking his snack money and threatening to steal his sneakers.  John’s father wanted John to stand up to the bully and pretty much handle the events on his own.  After all, he rationalized, kids will be kids.
 
Danielle was a quiet sixth grader who loved to read and enjoyed hanging out on the weekends with her two best friends.  She was also an accomplished flutist who practiced for several hours daily.  Her hard work was rewarded with a solo in the upcoming spring concert.  Wendy, one of the most popular girls in seventh grade, had been sure that the flute solo would be hers.  In retaliation, Wendy began a smear campaign.  She enlisted the help of her clique in spreading rumors about Danielle at school and used the internet to further her cause.  Danielle stopped practicing and announced to her parents that she hated the flute.  Her mother in bewilderment called the band instructor.  With Danielle’s reluctant help, they figured out what had happened.  Danielle’s mother could not believe that middle school girls would be so vicious.

John and Danielle’s stories are fiction, but unfortunately bullying in school is a fact of life for many children.  Experts estimate that up to 20% of all students nationally have been bullied at school.  In response, the Connecticut legislature enacted a law last year which required all school districts to adopt anti-bullying policies.  And, indeed, our public schools have developed a comprehensive policy which includes intervention for both bullies and their victims. 

Parents can help kids deal with bullies, too.  First we have to be willing to give up some common misconceptions about bullying, bullies, and victims.  Let’s explore three of those myths and identify specific ways parents can help diffuse bullying behavior.

Myth Number 1:  Everybody gets bullied.  “It happened to me and I survived.”

Many cultures have rituals and accepted ways for kids to make the transition into young adulthood.  Some parents believe that being bullied by a bigger, older child is one of these necessary “rites of passage.”  It is not, and if it is left unaddressed it is damaging to both victims and perpetrators.  Research shows that children who bully and do not receive any intervention are more likely to commit serious crimes, be convicted of drunk driving, and be involved in domestic disputes.  By age thirty, 25% of identified bullies have a criminal record.  Being the victim of a bully can cause depression and low self-esteem, and can lead to more violent behavior. Next Page }