B Is for Bully (continued)
Parents can help
by
talking to kids about bullying. Let them know that it is okay
to share information about bullies—that victims and bullies will
both benefit from the help that will come their way—and that it
is not tattling. Don’t panic when your child complains about a
bully, but do listen and take his or her comments seriously.
Speak with your child’s teacher or camp counselor or coach and
share your concerns. Teach your children by example, too.
Discipline them without resorting to physical punishment or
ridiculing them when they misbehave.
Myth
Number 2: All bullies are boys. “Oh you know, boys will be
boys.”
Though statistics show that boys are more likely
to engage in bullying behaviors, particularly in physical
violence, bullying is not reserved for “boys only.” Girls can
be bullies too but they tend to use different strategies for
their attacks. Female bullies act by using social networks to
ostracize and torment their victims. Often they spread rumors
and gossip in order to assert power and maintain their own
social position.
Parents can help
by
discussing with kids the many behaviors that are associated with
bullying. Children need to know that excluding, ignoring, and
rejecting others are all forms of bullying. And we need to
teach both our sons and our daughters that those behaviors are
unacceptable.
Myth
Number 3: There is a stereotypical victim. “But he was asking
for it!”
Kids become targets of bullies for many reasons.
Sometimes children are picked on because of a physical
trait—they are younger, shorter, taller, overweight, or have
braces. Sometimes bullies focus more on a child’s psychological
characteristics—they are shy, sensitive, or exhibit anxiety.
Actually, the research says that children are more often
targeted because of those personality traits. These more
sensitive children don’t provoke the attacks in any way, but
they do provide bullies with tangible rewards by handing over
their lunch money or breaking into tears when the teasing
begins.
Parents can help by encouraging
children to have friends of different backgrounds and
appearances. Parents can also make sure that children have
opportunities to participate in activities where they can be
successful and build up a protective layer of self-esteem.
Adults can role play with children and practice ways to deal
with kids who bully. Children can learn to deflect a bully’s
action with humor or, when possible, to simply walk away.
Bystanders can be encouraged to speak up and go to the aid of a
targeted victim. Schools, camps, and youth organizations can
continue to create caring communities—involving children,
parents, and staff—with clear policies letting bullies know that
they will not be tolerated.
