Building Awareness of Parentification
This summer, I worked as an intern in the marketing and development departments of the Bridge Family Center. As part of my work, I helped research cultural attitudes toward counseling to inform the organization’s support of diverse communities. Through online research and personal interviews, I learned a lot about how different cultures view counseling, and was struck by how many times the concept of parentification was referenced. It reminded me of my own struggles and experiences as an immigrant child, and how I experienced parentification myself.
Parentification is the process of role reversal between parents and children and is one of the most overlooked struggles among immigrant children as they and their parents adjust to a new culture. It happens as children begin to juggle different responsibilities that are typically uncommon for youth their age such as translating documents, making appointments, looking up resources, etc. Although these tasks may not seem huge, they can become stressful and burdensome as they pile up, and they can become a source of tension within families as children face a longer to-do list; yet, simultaneously, more stringent rules from parents.
Immigrant parents often become more worried and protective over their children because of the perceived dangers of the new environment. In order to protect them and maintain parental authority, parents often set limits and rules that are stricter than what they may have set in their country of origin. This phenomenon conflicts with the process of parentification, because while parents are becoming more dependent on their kids, they are also becoming stricter, which creates confusion and frustration for children. And if children adapt to the new language and culture more quickly than their parents, they are naturally expected to become the interpreters and errand-runners of the family. Because of their many increased responsibilities, children begin to expect more freedom; instead, they get less.
Complicating things further, many immigrant parents work long hours and may not be able to be with their children as much as they would like to. With even less time to communicate or establish clear parent-child roles, children are left to be more independent--especially if parents are not as involved in their school lives due to work, cultural, or language barriers. This leads to children taking on an even greater ‘parental’ role.
We all have different priorities and roles in life that are sometimes in conflict with one another, but for immigrant children, these points of intersection become even more hectic with clashing languages, cultures, values, and roles. Immigrant children need to learn to juggle between different expectations and norms and figure out who they are in each area of their lives. They often have a home life and culture, and a school life and culture, which can be vastly different from one another.
Contrary to popular belief, the stress of parentification doesn’t just lie with children. Immigrant parents face difficulty as they work to maintain the family’s original roles and cultural identity. They recognize that the more they ask for their children’s help, the less they are perceived as capable, independent parents, which can lead to feelings of embarrassment or frustration. I have been lucky in that I have taken on new responsibilities without much conflict, but not all immigrant children are as fortunate.
Parentification is a nearly inevitable process for immigrant families, but it is helpful for a community to remember that it can also be present in families with adults dealing with mental illness, substance abuse, or other problems that require children to take a greater role in the function of the family. Parentification in its many forms is an important topic for conversation in our schools and households as our towns become more diverse, and sharing information to build basic awareness of it is an important step in building support systems for those who need them.
By Seo-Yeon Lee
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