The Highs and Lows of the College Acceptance Process

There are very few moments in my youth that I remember with as much clarity as I do the moment when I received my first response from the colleges I had applied to. Not to mention the days and weeks of waiting that led up to that moment. I can picture exactly where I was and who I was with. I can practically feel the feelings right now, as I think back to that moment. It was as if my entire life depended on what was inside that envelope. It is hard to describe the anxiety and anticipation that goes into that moment. As we enter early spring, many high school seniors are in the midst of this process. Colleges have sent emails to their applicants, letting them know whether or not they have been accepted. Therefore, it is a time when we must ask ourselves…How do these seniors manage the enormous stress of this moment? How do we as parents support them?

One of the main sources of stress in the college application process is the overwhelming pressure to succeed. Throughout high school, students are pushed to do well in academics, sports, clubs, school plays, volunteer activities, and any number of other extra-curricular activities. While these are enriching experiences for most students, and a crucial part of a well-rounded education, they can also become a source of stress and anxiety. Doing well in school requires hard work and dedication, and naturally this comes with a certain amount of stress and strain. However, it has become the norm for these anxieties and pressures to become singularly focused on college, and the prospects of getting into a “good” school. Therefore, whether or not seniors get into the school of their choice takes on outsized meaning and significance in their lives. Often leading to an overwhelming need to get the acceptance they so desire, or to crushing despair when things do not go as planned.

For many seniors, this moment is the first time they have had to confront emotions like these. And it can be overwhelming. Most adults are a bit more accustomed to managing the stresses and uncertainties of life. But the majority of 18-year olds are less equipped to handle these types of emotions. Developmentally, they have not yet fully matured, and their capacity to make sense out of complex life circumstances is still limited. Also, at age 18, we are still learning how to have insight into our emotions, and how to recognize and communicate what we need. So, when faced with the complexities of transitioning from high school go college, many seniors are vulnerable to feeling overwhelmed. And often these feelings of overwhelm come from the misguided notion that my entire future, and even my self-worth, depend on this highly anticipated moment.

One of the most important things we can do during this time to maintain a healthy perspective. We can do this by recognizing that working towards our future hopes and dreams is a process. And a very complex one, full of unexpected twists and turns. Getting accepted to college is one of many steps in our journey into young adulthood. For those who get into the school of their dreams, it is a time of celebration, but also a time of transition and uncertainty in which new experiences are embraced, but outcomes are unknown. For those who do not get into the schools they had hoped for comes disappointment and a feeling of setback. However, feeling disappointed is a normal part of life, and something that can be coped with. And most importantly, this disappointment does not mean that you are any less worthy as a person, or any less likely to have a fulfilling and successful life. Whatever the outcome, transitioning from high school to college comes with many unknowns. Embracing these unknows with openness and curiosity, rather than fear or despair is the goal. It is often the first time a young adult has the opportunity to face life’s unknowns with wonder rather than fear. A strong capacity to do this, will endure throughout one’s life.

It is also important to recognize that many high school seniors did not apply to college, and have decided the college path is not for them. College is not the right fit for everyone, and many seniors have either found a path that suits them better, or are in the process of finding that path. It is important that we celebrate these seniors as well, as they are moving on to new challenges and adventures also. We should recognize the unique challenges of not participating in the college process. Because so much emphasis is placed on navigating the college admissions process, these students can be easily ignored.

In order to have the courage to embrace the unknowns of the transition from high school to what comes next, seniors need support from those around them. Parents, teachers, friends and extended family should recognize the emotional challenges associated with this time. During those moments of anxiety and overwhelm, seniors must be reminded that their mental health is the most important thing. In order to maintain this perspective, they will need support from those they love and trust. We are available at the Bridge counseling center to support seniors and their families in this complex process.